If I Stay
by LadyGinoza
Summary: Another night, another case that takes a sudden turn for the worst. (I hate writing up summaries they always suck) Rated M for coarse language, gore, violence, mentions of rape.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Psycho-Pass or the characters.

**Rated M**

**Summary:** Another night, another case that takes a sudden turn for the worst. (I hate writing up summaries they always suck).Rated M for coarse language, gore, violence, mentions of rape.

Each chapter will be named after the character's POV.

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

I'm starting to regret having accepted into getting that game Kagari wanted so badly for the last two weeks, all I'm hearing since he started playing is gun fire, screams and some sort of moaning that I have no idea what it is and quite frankly knowing the type of games he plays I don't want to know but he's worked hard so once in a while it doesn't hurt to reward him for it. As inspectors it's also our job to reward our enforcers once in a while for the work that they do. It's not necessary or an obligation it just keeps morals up and actually in turn gets them to perform better in the field but still to think that those games used to be the hottest things in the past. I honestly don't get how Kagari can even enjoy playing those things since he gets to experience the real thing when he's out in the field first hand and yet he can't get enough of them.

"Hey Gino what would it take for me to get you to play for one hour?" He asks never taking his eyes off the screen of his game console. What would it take? I would have to be in my coffin and even then I still wouldn't even touch a button.

"Seeing a body splatter into pink slush on the job is enough for me so no." I answer as I keep working on my report and inspecting the one that inspector Tsunemori sent me earlier at the same time. I must say that she's getting better at writing up her reports which is good; it helps to prove to the chief that she will keep getting better with more experience which she will get with time.

"Come on Gino live a little. Years ago people would play these kinds of games all the time and nothing bad ever happened you know." I look at him over my screen and the very reason why these things are not recommended in this day and age is for the exact reason that they cloud a person's hue. For someone who is already a latent criminal it wouldn't matter but still, these types of games have been linked to raise aggression and violence among teenagers in the past.

"I'd debate on that. In the year early two thousand there was a case after a nineteen year old got high on a drug nicknamed at the time 'meow meow', stabbed his own mother and then proceeded to cut off his genitals." I tell him but not like it actually bothered him at all instead he found it more amusing than anything else.

"Seriously? Where did that happened?" Kagari asks as he tries to control his laughter but in a poor manner which resulted in Kunizuka hitting him on the head with the book she was reading.

"In England and that was nothing. In the United States they had a problem with people getting high on a drug called bath salt. All reports of incidents related to the drug were all the same, the individual attacked and ate their victims alive. They had to be shot down for them to stop." I add as I return my attention back to my screen and continue working on finalising my report.

"That's some Resident Evil shit right there… So there was a drug that made you go so crazy to the point you actually ate other people like a zombie? Yeah that's messed up but still Gino this game is awesome, Silent Hill is definitely a master piece." Unbelievable he thinks it's actually funny that such a situation was even a problem in the past; he simply compares it to another game. I'm afraid that Kagari will always be stuck in the game world fantasy… By the sounds of that so called game I wouldn't call that Silent Hill a master piece, more like a concoction from hell would be more suitable.

"Silent Hill… Sounds familiar wasn't that based on a real place?" Kougami asks as he closes his computer after submitting his report as I quickly inspect it when it pops up on my screen and like always it's perfectly written.

Now that Kougami mentioned it I think I read about a town that had been called Silent Hill for some sort of reason that I can't really remember why but if I'm not mistaken it was somewhere in the United States. If there ever was a country that could use the Sibyl system it surely would be that one without a doubt. From what I've read from text books back in school that country has never had a century without some form of violence, the country itself was built on slavery and wars basically.

Now thanks to the Sibyl system we are practically shielded from what happens over there unless you know where to look on the net that is. If you know where to go in the Commu-Fields, you can learn from some people that the country is not a place you'd want to live in. Last week when I went on it there was a member that was saying how some guy just entered an elementary school with a loaded gun and killed dozens of children and teachers and it would seem that it is pretty common thing to happen, just there alone should be a wakeup call for the government that there is a serious problem.

"Yes. A matter of fact the place itself was based on a real town called Centralia, Pennsylvania in the United States where it was dubbed Silent Hill for its ghost town appearance." Masaoka quickly answered Kougami's question. "The town's people were forced to evacuate after the coal mine caught on fire in nineteen sixty-two after firefighter had set fire to the landfill and the fire wasn't properly extinguished which caused the flames to enter the mine and it's been burning ever since." He adds.

I quickly do the math and the total of years since then is unbelievable. "It's been a hundred and fifty years already and it's still burning? How is that even possible?" I ask as I finish writing my own report and have approved the ones of the enforcers; all is good and ready to send to the chief.

"No one knows, many have tried to extinguish it for years since it started but all attempts failed and the more the fire burned underground the more you could see it on the surface. The roads and properties would collapse caused by sink holes that just suddenly appeared releasing toxic gas." I send my report to the chief as I listen to dad's story; he always seems to enjoy telling these kinds of things from the past and quite honestly it's intriguing to think that such things actually are currently happening on the planet is unbelievable. "They say where the ground broke, steam would come out of it and the heat was so hot you could cook an egg and even set a match on fire by simply touching the asphalt. Scientists have been studying this incident for years and have been keeping an eye on the fire below and every time they would do a reading to evaluate the fire they would always get the same results year after year. It never calmed but it keeps spreading little by little. As long there is coal to burn it will never go out-"

"Please change the subject all of this ghost town talks is really creeping me out." Tsunemori voices out when the alarm of an area stress level goes off. So much for having a calm night…

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><p>"You've got to be fucking kidding me" Kagari voices out as I quickly brief the team about the current situation. Can't say that I'm too thrilled about it either but this case fell on division one to carry out so we have no other choice.<p>

The target we're after is Izumo Shibada; he's a thirty-five year old male and was flagged by a street scanner when he was caught attacking a woman and ended up killing her. He then proceeded in kidnapping the woman's ten years old daughter to flee from the drones and was able to make it into this abandoned facility. Needless to say that we can't send it any drones into the building, since the place has never gotten any relay points set in so we'll have to go in ourselves…

"We'll have to split up into two groups but I advise you to move with extreme caution. He already murdered someone; he can easily do it again and from his hue color it's safe to assume that it wasn't his first crime either. It's midnight blue so expect his aggression to be extremely high." I state before we head off into separate directions, Tsunemori will take the back entrance while we take the front and hopefully we'll be able to corner the guy and save that little girl from any more harm.

Kunizuka and Kagari head in first as I follow closely behind, this place used to be an old weapons factory during world war two but it was closed down in the beginning of the twenty first century and it's been abandoned ever since. Being said it's the perfect place for latent criminals to hide into and another reason why these old buildings that no longer serve any purpose in today's society should be torn down, they just serve now as to make our jobs even harder when chasing down criminals.

So far so good but this building is in very bad condition and a few times we've had to turn around and fine another path to take due to the ceiling having collapse sometime in the past and is now blocking the way. The only good thing so far is that there doesn't seem to be any homeless people using this building as a shelter but it's infested with rats and a few times Kunizuka and Kagari were forced to shoot a few of them or they would have attacked us.

"Ah man this place gives me the creeps." Kagari voices out as he holds his dominator closer to his chest, ready to fire if need be. "This is like a game I played; Resident Evil, all is quiet walking in a dark hall and a zombie will suddenly jump out of nowhere and try to-"

"Alright Kagari we get the idea." I quickly tell him, cutting his story short.

I remember all too well that game of his; he constantly played it after he would finish writing his report with the volume on high. I didn't have to see it to imagine what was going on, not a game I'd want to play and apparently a few movies were even made based on those said games in the past, not something I'd want to watch on my free time. This job is already goring enough as it is, as to why anyone would want to entertain themselves with more gore is beyond me.

The hall we've just taken is dark, I can barely see anything. I take out a flash light as Kunizuka and Kagari held up their dominators ready to shoot as I do my best to give them as much lighting as possible. I will never be able to say it enough but this place is a total dump and it needs to be demolished. The smell is just as bad, it matches well with how it looks that's for sure.

A loud noise suddenly fills the air followed by a crash as the ceiling just gave in in front of me. I use my arm to cover my nose and mouth as dust fills the hall and a back a way a few steps as to avoid the falling debris; it takes a few minutes before all the debris has fallen and the dust to subside.

"Kunizuka! Kagari! Are you both alright?"

"Yeah were fine." Kagari quickly answered as I get a sense of relief that they didn't get crushed under that, even if they are hunting dogs that's not a way for anyone to die.

"Are you injured inspector?" Kunizuka asks.

"No I'm alright." I answer as I quickly inspect the damage of the collapsed ceiling as I point the flashlight up to get a better look. There's no way to get through that debris, I'm cut off from my enforcers. Shit…

"Kunizuka and Kagari listen up, keep on going if you find Shibada shoot him on sight, no need to warn him; I'll find another path to reach the both of you. If you find inspector Tsunemori I want you to stay with her." I order as I open my terminal to call inspector Tsunemori.

"Understood." Kunizuka acknowledges as I hear footsteps going further.

"Don't worry Gino, we won't run off." Kagari carefreely replies and I'd be lying if the thought didn't cross my mind. If they wanted this would be their perfect chance to make a break for it and I would have to give an explanation to the top brass of what exactly went wrong in the investigation to allow such a thing to have happened on my watch. In the end it wouldn't even matter that I could have died crushed under the falling debris, all that would matter would be that I actually had failed to control my enforcers.

Tsunemori was quick to pick up and I waste no time giving her the current situation as I also advise that the three be even more cautious when navigating through the building. If she is to meet Kagari and Kunizuka, she is to keep them under her watch until I can rejoin the group. I then proceed to call Shion for information about the building, unfortunately there wasn't any data on the building's layouts so she can't help to guide me through and like she said even if she had the layouts considering how bad this place has gotten it would probably be useless anyway. I'll have to go by gut feeling alone with the knowledge that more parts of the ceiling can cave in at any given time.

Being alone in this place makes it even more disturbing, there are puddles of water everywhere and a few times I hear the sounds of metal screeching and at those moments I'm certain that the ceiling will collapse again but to my relief nothing happens. The walls bare signs of old graffiti, in the past this place must have been used as an old hang out for delinquent kids, the things written on these walls are not very holy and certain things I don't even know what it means.

I manage to get back to the entrance without much trouble and of course it's pouring outside which isn't good, the added weight of water on the roof could be enough to cause the roof to cave in at any given minute… I just hope nothing happens on Tsunemori's end, it's just our luck lately that all of division one's cases end up being a pain, the only good thing about this is that it help to form her experience but a single mistake is enough to be fatal. The only thing that helps calm my anxiety is that she's with Kougami and Masaoka, they'll make sure everything is alright on her end, I trust their judgement without a fault.

Footsteps catches my attention as I quickly turn around, finger ready to pull the dominator's trigger only to come face to face with Masaoka. I can't believe that man; he just abandoned Tsunemori to come looking for me, he has to be out of his mind.

"You left your post; your duty was to be with inspector Tsunemori." I tell him but he just shrugs with a guilty smile just like he always does when I reprimand him of his actions.

"The inspector got worried that you were on your own in here and besides she's not alone." Yeah Kougami is with her and I trust his judgement to keep her safe. He'd fight until his last breath to protect her and get the job done so I guess it will be fine until we rejoin them.

"Let's just hurry to regroup; I'll let you lead the way." I tell him. I had first planed on going outside and enter from the back entrance but since dad is here we'll be able to retract his steps and save us some time. I start looking around as I follow him through what used to be the facility's warehouse, everything is just too quiet for my liking, I would have thought that we would have heard a child cry or scream by now and yet nothing so far…

"Inspector you might want to see this." His voice was low as he spoke. I quickly joined him and just as I feared the little girl dead lying in a pool of her own blood. Her eyes are wide open and her clothes have been ripped up, my guesses this beast raped her and then killed her in cold blood… Wait a minute wasn't the girl he kidnap had blond hair instead of brown? I quickly open my terminal, checking the for the picture that had been taken during the flag checked and exactly as I thought, this isn't the girl Shibada kidnapped…

A rush of pain suddenly fills my body as I drop my dominator to the ground. I look down to see a blade inside me as it gets pulled out tainted in fresh blood. My eyes jump up to meet dads eyes as he shoves me to the ground and waste little time getting on top of me, insert the knife in my stomach again causing another jolt of pain and then another and each time it just takes my breath away, the pain is unbearable and all I can do is stare into his eyes that are now cold… I no longer know this man in front of me… I try to form words to say but nothing comes out and the more I try to talk, stronger the pain in my stomach intensifies. My vision is getting blurry; I don't know anymore how many times he stabbed me in my stomach, all I know is the noise of the knife being dropped to the floor followed by rushes of pain to my head. My vision is getting all hazy as it turns to black and all I hear are muffled sounds as if they are far away and all that consumes me is the pain… Tsunemori… Kou are they? Dad… Why…

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><p><strong>My new Psycho-Pass fanfic. Review tell me what you think and toodles.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**It's always great to get messages in my tumblr inbox and all. Great that some even though are shy and prefer using the Anon option to tell me what they think is great but seriously death threats because of the ending of chapter 1? Come on you have no idea what I'm going for here, that's why you call it a cliffhanger ending.**

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

What on earth just happened and then it suddenly hit me, where the hell did dad go? Why aren't I in pain anymore? He stabbed me several times didn't he? I know he did but why would he, nothing is making any sense. I was in so much pain that I had a hard time breathing and I couldn't say a single word but now I seem to be completely fine.

All of this stress must be starting to get to me, I must have lost conscious and imagined all of that up… Dad would never attack me, would he? Yeah he's a latent criminal but he wouldn't turn rogue, he's not like that. All of this anxiety that I've experienced must be playing with my head, yeah that has to be it, there's no other logical explanation than that.

I try to turn my terminal on to call Tsunemori but it's not working; it must have gotten damaged when I lost conscious. Where's my dominator, all I remember is that I dropped it when I got stabbed but if that was only in my imagination then I should still have it on me but I don't.

I start looking around when I notice the amount of fresh blood on the ground and the human remains like a dominator went into lethal eliminator mode and turned a human into pink slush. Footsteps catch my attention and to my relief it's Kougami and the rest of the team so they were finally able to regroup and it seems like they found the hostage, what's even more important none of them are injured.

"Took you long enough Kougami." I tell him but he doesn't respond as if I didn't even say anything, like I'm not even there.

They waste no time navigating through the cluttered warehouse. Tsunemori simply runs right past me, not even bothering to acknowledge my presence as she shouts that she sees the entrance.

"Dad!" I yell out as I run towards him and again nothing, he just looks forward as if I'm not even there. "This isn't funny, stop ignoring me dad! Dad!" I shout back but still nothing. However, the look in his eyes is what scares me. I've never seen him this way before, it's like he's just seen something from a horror story come to life. I turn around to see what he's looking at and I don't know what to say but back away as I stumble on something and fall on the ground. What's going on? This can't be happening…

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 2.5<strong>

**Kougami**

This building is a ticking time bomb; it's just a matter of time before it completely crumbles. I don't care what happens; it can collapse just when we are done investigating the place that is. Gino and the others had a close call, they could have been crushed but the situation changed the moment that they got separated. I hate of the idea that Gino is on his own in here, the sooner we can regroup the better it's going to be. This investigation if it keeps up like this will be a total failure and Shibada is going to get away, I'm starting to get the feeling that's how he works. It's no secret that he's done this kind of thing before, using an innocent as an hostage and then hides into an abandoned building but there's something just not right about this whole thing.

I hold up my dominator when I hear noises coming closer, from the sound of it it's footsteps. With my finger on the trigger ready to fire I slowly approach the hall as Akane and pops ready themselves and I quickly jump pointing my dominator only to find it's just Kunizuka and Kagari as they brought disappointment along with them. The ten years old little girl that got kidnap is motionless in Kagari's arms and he shakes his head with a sad expression on his face. She's dead, we were too late to save her and it only fuels my anger. She was so young, she had so many things she could have done with her life but it was all taken away from her in an instant, She had to witness her mother get brutally killed then she faced her own.

"With this place coming down, I just couldn't leave her behind." Kagari says as he holds her tighter in his arms.

"It looks like he raped her before he murdered her…" Kunizuka adds. It's without a doubt that he's a dirty bastard; once she served his purpose to escape he proceeded to degrade her. I can only imagine the fear and the pain she must have endured, I'm only sorry that I wasn't able to make it in time to save her. She deserved better than that, Gino won't be happy when he hears about this. Even though he didn't say it, he really wanted to save that little girl, when cases involved children it was always a touchy subject for him and I can't blame him because I felt the same way.

We turned around and took another hall, now we have to find Gino, it's been a while since the last time he called Akane. I advise that she gives him a call but she responds that she can't because for some reason she doesn't have reception in this part of the facility which could be problematic if Gino tried to call and it didn't go through.

So far so good, the building is making a lot of noise. It won't be long before another part of ceiling gives away, it's just a matter of time. It's technically telling us to get the hell out of here and fast. What pisses me the hell off the most is the fact that we haven't been able to spot this fucking bastard yet, it's as if he knows the layouts of this place by heart. He knows how to get around quickly and swiftly without being seen so he must come here often and if that's the case I have a feeling that we've been lured into a hunt. Instead we're not the ones doing the hunting, he is.

I take the lead as I enter another room first which looks like some sort of warehouse for the old facility. I carefully navigate through it when in the distance I see a man facing the other way around. I carefully point my dominator towards the unknown individual without making a sound and his crime coefficient registers at three hundred forty-two, without a doubt that's our bastard. I don't waste time pulling the trigger and he blows up into pink slush. I don't like the idea of shooting at a person when their backs are turned but considering that guy and what he's done I don't have regrets, he got what he deserved.

"Great now we have to find Gino." I agree with Kagari when we hear a loud crash from where we came, sounds like another part of the ceiling just came down.

The worst part in any investigation is actually looking for your colleagues because more than half of the time you just keep missing each other and just end up going in circle. Akane quickly navigates through the warehouse and shouts to us that on the other side is the facility's entrance so if Gino turned around when he got separated from Kunizuka and Kagari then he must have made it back here so he can't be too far away, especially since Kunizuka stated that most of the halls they took had already been blocked before so it's limited where he could have wandered off unless he went back outside to get in from the back entrance that would be a logical choice for him to do. Yet if Gino had done that, he should have met up with us already but he didn't so why not? Where the hell did you go?

"Mr. Ginoza isn't at the paddy wagon waiting outside and I didn't exactly see any footprints leaving the building either." Akane voices as she came running back in. That eliminates the theory that he went outside to enter the back entrance.

"Mr. Masaoka… Are you okay you look like you've seen a ghost?" Akane asks. I look at pops and yeah he does look like he's seen a ghost. He's just fixated, not blinking or moving as if he's in shock. I get closer to him and the sight he saw also hits me, we we're too late…

"It's Gino… That bastard got Gino…" Was all I was able to say as I got closer to his bloodied body and not too far from his, there was another body of some unknown little girl. Gino must have found her when navigating through the building as he was trying to regroup with us. He got distracted, probably tried to call in his findings to Akane but it wouldn't go through and that's when he was attacked. I touch his head, he's still warm… If we had been only a few minutes quicker, I could have prevented this from happening, shit!

I inspect his body; he's been stabbed several times and got his head bashed so many times that I can barely see the color of his skin, there's so much blood. A cold bit of air hits my hand as I moved it over his face as I quickly check his neck and it's there, faint but it's definitely there and that's all I need.

"He's still alive! Akane request for an ambulance! Kunizuka get me the first aid-kit, we might be able to temporarily stop the bleeding long enough for the ambulance to get here." I quickly order and without a single word Kunizuka left in a run and Akane quickly calls for an ambulance to our destination.

I quickly rip his coat and shirt open, I inspect the stab wounds and to my relief they seem to be basic stabs as the blade has not been twisted inside the wound which is good and now I'll just cross my fingers that he doesn't have any internal damage, if he does than there's nothing I'll be able to do to save him, he'll drown in his own blood but so far it seems fairly good. The stabs seem to only be in the abdomen region, his chest hasn't been touch so I know his lungs are going to be fine which is huge right now.

Kunizuka arrives with the first aid kit and I quickly put on the disposable gloves. Kunizuka puts on a pair as well as she helps me to apply pressure on the wounds with dressings. Pops finally out of his shock takes out a pouch of blood and helps to stick the tube into Gino's arm and now all we can do is wait for the ambulance to arrive. Gino don't you dare die on me; hang on just a little longer.

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><p><strong>Review tell me what you guys think ;)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 well and delivered :3**

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

That's me but I'm right here so why am I also there? I don't feel anything, not the coldness of the ground or the chill in the air… The me lying on the ground is completely covered in blood, I can barely recognize myself but here I am as if nothing happened. Am I… Dead… No that can't be, Kou said that I was alive so why is this happening?

I hear the siren of the ambulance quickly approaching as Kou, dad and Kagari lift my limp body off the ground. Kunizuka follows closely holding the blood pouch from behind as Tsunemori just looks on with a terrified expression on her face.

"Alright the medical drones should be able to take over from here." Kougami says as they lower my mangled body back unto the ground.

"Why isn't anyone taking care of the hostage?" I ask but what's the point they can't hear me. Kagari had placed the hostage on the ground near the entrance so he could be able to help dad and Kougami and she's been unconscious for a while now… No… She's gone like the other girl I saw before isn't she… The body remains allows me to know that the target has been neutralised but we still failed… That little girl doesn't have a future anymore…

The medical drones arrive to pick up my body to place on the stretcher and I quickly follow fearing what would happen if I go too far from my body. What would happen if I would distance myself from it, would it die? Or am I dying and that's why I'm like this, as if I'm one foot in the land of the living and a foot in death…

I enter the ambulance as the drones close the door and it starts driving off. This is my first time actually in an ambulance. The drones are just tending to my wounds as they are controlling the bleeding; one of them replaced the blood pouch when the previous one became empty. The faces of my division are cemented in my mind… I messed up big time. It wasn't dad that attacked me wasn't it? It was Shibada hiding under a hologram; he used the appearance of one of my enforcers just so I would lower my guard…

Dad specifically requested that I never call him anything but Masaoka while out on the field so it's impossible that he knew that he was my dad to begin with. Lucky pick I guess; worst part is that I fell for it and now I'm going to pay for it.

They say that when you die your whole life flashes right in front of you so is that what it is? Instead of it flashing through me I'm stuck between both worlds to reminiscence about my past and once that's done it will be all over or that my body just doesn't want to give in and is trying to hold on no matter what? As I watch the drones clean my head from all the blood and can't help but to ask myself if I really do want to live like that? All those stab wounds and my head injuries; will I ever be the same again?

The ambulance starts to slow down as it stops followed by the doors opening and I am greeted by the medical staff of the MWPSB as they take over quickly pulling the stretcher inside in a hurry and right into the operation room. The staffs is in a complete panic as they all rush to get their equipment ready and machines working and all is just a frenzy. One nurse does her best to finish what the drones started by cleaning up the dried up blood on my face. Another inspects the wounds on my head as she starts adding stitches to close the wound. The doctor focuses mainly on my abdomen with the help of two more nurses as they finish setting up the monitors.

My blood pressure is low and my heart beat isn't much either when it suddenly goes flat and it's just too much. All of this is crazy as I step backward in horror at what's happening. Nothing makes any sense, somehow this is all just a dream and I'll wake up but I can't and this is somehow real and I'm watching myself dying and I just can't take it anymore.

"Clear!" The doctor says as he sends a jolt to my chest and my heart started again. They never wasted a moment as they continue as if nothing happened. The door opens as another nurse comes in and I exit the room to find my division has just arrived and dad quickly goes to the window to see what is happening. His face is filled with horror as he keeps pacing up and down, he can't stay still while Kougami is just sitting alone in the corner not saying anything. Kunizuka and Kagari are both talking to each other and Tsunemori is simply watching from the window, her eyes fixed on the monitors.

"His blood type is O negative; it's rare enough as it is if need be I'll donate some of mine." Dad says as he continues pacing around.

Tsunemori removes her attention from the monitors and turns it towards dad, her expression is calm now compared back at the scene. "Mr. Masaoka, he'll be okay. See Mr. Ginoza's blood pressure is getting higher, a little by little though but still and his heart beat is getting stronger too." She points out, yeah it is climbing a little but they are still pretty low.

"That means nothing; he's lost a lot of blood-"

"Mr. Masaoka please calm down. I've never seen you this way before, you are just like Mr. Ginoza for overly worrying." She says with a smile but it quickly fades away when she looks towards the other as they just stare at her but none dare to speak as dad finally takes a seat, starring at his hands covered in my dried up blood.

"He's my boy." He says in a low tone after a few minutes of silence.

"What?" She asks.

"Nobuchika is my son and my only. I can't bury my child…" He buries his face inside of his hands as he spoke, his voice was shaky and I know that he's crying. It's the first time I've ever seen him this way, he's always smiling and rarely angry. I sit next to him as I try to place my hand on his shoulder but I can't touch him, it's as if there's an invisible wall around him and I just can't get through, like it's repelling me.

Tsunemori, I can't say if she's shocked at finding out that he's actually my dad, I always thought it was rather obvious that he was, even though I never wanted to admit it, I resemble him too much to be mistaken for someone else's kid but honestly it hurts seeing him breaking down that way. I never thought I'd ever see him that way; I really did it this time didn't I… I screwed up and made it worst for everyone, even though they haven't said anything, they are all worried and all they can do is wait for the best.

I get up and go to the door of the operating room and try the push the door open but nothing, it won't budge. It's only when a nurse exits the room can I enter, the staff are now a little more relax and by the looks of it the doctor finished treating my stomach as he is now removing his disposable gloves and removing his surgical overall clothing and mask. The nurses are finishing cleaning up my body of all the blood and once that is done they lift my body to transfer me to a new clean bed. Without a word they pull me out of the operating room and towards the hall to set me up in a room while the doctor stays behind to talk with Tsunemori.

"Are you his partner inspector?" He asks

"Yes I am. Is he going to be alright?" Tsunemori acknowledges as the enforcers gather around to hear some news.

"He's in stable condition at the moment but I won't lie that he's in critical condition. The stab wounds are not the problem but his brain is a different story as there was some pressure within the skull. Fortunately I was able to release the strain but he suffers from a traumatic brain injury and to reduce the strain on his other organs he'll be placed on life support. That's all we can do at the moment." He states as he takes off his surgical cap off his head. "There are some chances that he won't wake up, his brain injury is severe and I've done everything I could…" He adds and the reaction would have been the same if he had punched them right in the face instead. It wouldn't have surprised them more or less, this really can't be happening.

I turn around searching for where the nurses took my body. I don't have to look far to find myself and I froze as there are so many tubes coming out of me. They're everywhere, in my mouth and my nose, I almost don't even look human. Footsteps brings me back to this insane reality, dad is the first one to enter followed by Tsunemori, then Kou and the rest. Dad quickly goes to my bed, ignoring the nurses as he takes my hand in his, he's trying to hold on to his emotions as he scans my pretty much lifeless body.

"Nobuchika please wake up." He pleads as he tries to control his voice but he can't hide the shaking. "I'm the one to go first, not you son…"

"How is he?" Shion asks as she enters the room, giving some space for the nurse to exit the room.

"Not good Shion, doc said that he's fallen into a coma and that he might not come out of it because of his brain trauma." Kougami answered as he takes a seat in the far corner.

"Well that's up to Gino to decide." She simply replies as she looks at the monitor readings.

"Ms. Karanomori?"

"He has brain waves so he isn't brain dead and I assure you that he can hear us but either he lives or dies that's solemnly up to Gino to decide." Shion adds as she goes to me, placing a hand on my bandaged forehead.

So exactly what does that mean exactly? That I decide if I live or die but I have no idea what's going on. Can't anyone feel me here? Yeah I can hear you all but I can also see myself and how is that even possible, nothing makes any sense anymore.

I sit on the floor in the corner of the room as I try not to go insane by all of this. Nothing makes any sense; nobody can see me or hear me… Even though they are all here I've never felt so alone and helpless as I do right now. Hearing everyone voicing their concerns about my well-being and what my condition is, it's just too much as I try to block the sounds by covering my ears but that doesn't work I can still hear them fine. Why couldn't I have just died in that facility instead, this isn't fair!

"We should give him some rest; I think all of us in here all at once might be too much for him." Shion voices out as I look up. I'm in a coma what does that matter and how can you even tell that I'm on the edge of insanity at the moment? I get back on my feet to see myself; tears came down my face as dad wipes them with the back of his right hand. Did I do that?

Why can't I just die and be done with it, if my brain injury is that bad then what are the chances that I even make a full recovery. I'd rather be dead than being handicap for the rest of my life, I don't want others to feel sorry for me or am I just being selfish but that's how I feel. I'm so tired of fighting, that's all I've ever done, all my life I've had to fight just to get by. Nothing has ever been easy for me, I'm all alone in this world, even though dad and Kou are still alive they are no longer considered human so it just comes down to the same thing in the end… When I'm done working, there's no one to come home to, I don't have anyone else. I'm just alone…

The beeping of the monitor suddenly increases and my blood pressure suddenly drops and my heart starts beating faster as the nurses enter in a rush forcing everyone to leave the room. The doctor enters not long after and asks about my readings and from them they somehow concluded that I need an emergency surgery, that something is wrong and that it seems that I might have some internal bleeding.

It's all up to me if I live or die, that's what Shion said and what I thought at that moment is what effected my body and now I feel guilty especially how Kougami had to pull dad away from me and now because of that I just aggravated my condition, I really am the worst… I drop back in the corner as my body is taken away, I burry my head in my knees. I'm sorry…

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><p><strong>And that is it for now. Review and tell me what you think. For my regular readers you all know the drill :3<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**I've been asked if I could update soon and yes so here a chapter before Christmas!**

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><p><span><strong>Kougami<strong>

This job is a dangerous one, there's no hiding it. No amount of excuses you can make to try and validate the opposite. One moment or the other you're bound to get hurt and even get killed in the line of duty; that fate rest mainly upon the enforcers, not the inspectors. We are the one to do the most dangerous work in the field, leaving our inspectors behind and keep them safe as they observe our behavior. As the enforcers of division one, we screwed up big time but it's not us who will get reprimanded for it but inspector Tsunemori will have some questions to answer to the top brass on what went wrong during the investigation. Even though certain things just couldn't be prevented or helped she'll have to explain why Gino was left alone while the target was still at large.

This is a complete nightmare as we wait to know how the surgery went; needless to say that it's been over an hour already, that can't be a good sign.

"My biggest fear has become a reality." Pops says, killing the long silence as he stares at his blood stained hands.

"Gino is strong he'll pull through pops." I tell him but honestly it was more for myself than anything else. That's all I've been brainwashing myself with for the last hour, he'll pull through. Gino is a fighter he'll be alright; he worked so hard to get here, this can't be how it ends.

Pops releases a long sigh as he looks at the clock, already one in the morning. I don't think anyone is able to sleep right now as we're all waiting for the news about Gino's condition. Kagari has been coming around a few times here and there just to get some news but he doesn't stay long. He doesn't have to say anything, it's written all over his face that he feels guilty for what happened to Gino but it wasn't his fault that the ceiling came down on them and blocked their path, that they got separated; there really wasn't anything they could have done differently to have prevented what happened. The ones really at fault is those who allows such worn down buildings to remain standing, that thing must be almost two hundred years old if not older and no maintenance has been made on it for years. That building could have killed us all in there but of course that won't be used as a valid excuse.

"I never wanted Nobuchika to follow in my footsteps. I wanted him as far away from this life as possible but I wasn't able to allow myself to scowl him for his career choice…" He says as he takes me out of my thoughts, his head low starring at the floor.

"Because it allowed you to see him, I know pops." I finish him off.

I remember when I first started as an inspector in division three and I met pops for the very first time, at first I hadn't realize who he was and every time he would finish working on a report and he no longer had any work to do he would watch videos of a child playing around. I had asked him if the boy was his grand kid whom he denied but that it was his son when he was young and that he was my age now. That's when I figured out that pops was Gino's father and I could see that his son was his pride and joy, he'd let himself die if it meant it would save his Gino's life. I can just imagine what is going through his head right about now, the pain and fear that the doctor will come at any moment and announce that Gino didn't make it or that his condition got worst, it just keeps floating in pops' mind. I'd be lying if it didn't wander in mine either.

"Seeing him every day makes my day, even if he's placed a solid wall between us all that matters to me is that I can see him and hear his voice." He tells me as he looks back at the clock.

"Gino is a stubborn ass and he'll never admit it but all he ever wanted was to see you again pops. He worked so hard just to get here, he's too proud to say it but he loves you more than anything in the world." I tell him and it's not a fabrication just to make pops feel better but it's the truth. Pops was a main subject for Gino to talk about when we first met. Yeah he voiced his anger about pops having become a latent criminal but he didn't hate him for that, his anger was more to the fact that pops was taken away from him. In a sense I guess in a way Gino has a small resentment towards the Sibyl system for taking his father away from him, that fucking heartless machine that just keeps destroying families…

My father died when I was young, I don't remember the man but when you know you have a father that is alive but can't see, hear or touch him is got to be just the worst feeling for one to have. The Sibyl system is cruel for cutting off families like that, most people who became latent criminals would have gotten a better recovery rate if they had been allowed to see their families once in a while but that's not even a possibility, instead you are completely isolated from the world. How is that even supposed to make someone better? It fucking can't.

"I know. I can see it in his eyes." He tells me as a soft smile forms on his face. Yeah Gino can't lie, can't keep secrets or anything, his eyes always betray him. If you don't know him you wouldn't be able to tell but when you do, he is so easy to read, just like reading a first grade level book.

"Pops if you want to clean up and change your clothes I'm not going anywhere. I'll message you if something happens." I tell him. His clothes are covered in dried up blood and the smell just reeks off of him.

"Alright Kou, I won't be long…" He replies as he gets up and walks away. Knowing how he is, he'll just wash off the blood on him, put on some clean clothes and that will be it. He won't even take the time to take a shower to help him relax a little, as long as Gino isn't confirmed to be truly stable, pops will be riddled with anxiety.

It feels like time is going by so slowly and yet the hands on the clock look like they are on fast forward, it's going to be two in the morning in bout fifteen minutes, almost two hours since Gino was rushed into the operation room.

The sound of doors opening catches my attention as I hear wheels rolling on the floor followed by footsteps. I get up when I see the doctor coming my way as he removes his surgical cap and brace myself for whatever news he's going to tell me.

"How is he?" I ask.

"He's stabled. He had internal bleeding that I missed earlier and I apologize for that it was my error." The doctor answers with guilt. Good thing pops isn't here right now, he wouldn't take his error as forgiving, not in his state anyway. His error could have cost Gino his life.

"Can I see him?" I ask not that it would matter the answer he would give me, nothing will stop me from seeing Gino. I won't be able to sleep as long as I can't see him with my own two eyes.

"Yes you can." He answers and with that he leaves me to resume his work and I make my way towards Gino's room as I call pops to let him know about Gino's condition, that he's in stable condition and that he should take the time to take a hot shower. I follow by giving a quick call to Kagari and Kunizuka to tell them the news and hang up as I arrive at his room.

I open the door and let myself in as I close it behind me gently so it doesn't make much noise. He's got so many tubes connected on him, I think he might have more than before. It's hard to take and I have to mentally talk to myself as I slowly approach him. His face is bruised and swollen, his eyes have been taped for whatever reason I'm not sure why but it must be for some purpose.

I take the chair in the corner of the room and drag it closer to the bed; I quickly look at the monitor before sitting down. All seem normal except for his blood pressure it is a little low but then it hit me; Gino always had a low blood pressure so for him I guess it's normal.

No matter how much I stare at him, it just doesn't feel real that it just can't be Gino lying in that bed and yet I know it is. I just don't want to accept it as fact. I should be the one lying in that bed. I'm nothing more than a hunting dog that's got nothing left to lose and yet I'm sitting here watching my best friend who might not even live to see next week. That the last time I saw him with his eyes open was minutes before we entered that fucking building.

Shion believes that a person who has fallen into a comatose state can hear everything that goes on around them. When she was studying in her field before becoming a latent criminal, she had found documentation about people describing their experience after waking up from a coma. They described the feeling like they were trapped in total darkness while they could hear everything as if it was distant and yet near; some have even been able to say what the people around them were wearing at the time.

I believe maybe that they might be able to hear us, the subconscious must still be alert at some extend and a part of me wants Gino to hear me but I don't believe that he can see us though. Thinking back earlier, just moments before his heart started beating faster and his blood pressure had rapidly dropped, tears had slid down his face as if he heard what pops had told him. Like he was hurting by the fact that pops was sadden by what happened to him.

A lot of things are currently going through my head as I think back at what Shion had said about either he lives or dies that it's all up to Gino to decide and to what the doctor had told me about the internal bleeding. What if Shion is right, what if hearing pops' hurt tone caused Gino to sink into a form of despair and at that moment he had decided to let himself go…

"Gino…" There's so many things I want to say but I just can't say it and all that consumes me is anger, I'm angry that I allowed this to happened. Back when I met Gino in high school, I always made sure no one would ever hurt him again. I took every hit and shielded him from anything that could cause him pain. During his hardest periods I was there for him, gave him my support when his mother and grandfather died, I never left his side.

When we were in our senior year, his mother had died the year before so by then he was staying with his grandparents and one afternoon I came over. Gino went to wake his grandfather from his afternoon nap because we were heading out for a little while just to change the pace when I heard a loud bang so I hurried only to find Gino on the floor his back against the corner of the room with a horrified look on his face. His grandfather was still sleeping and when I touched him he was cold, the autopsy report had said that his heart had simply stopped beating, his death had been painless and peaceful but it had affected Gino pretty bad.

His grandfather was the closest thing to a father figure he had when he grew up, he was very close to him and considering that he had lost his mother the year before it hit hard. Not long after, about two years I think his grandmother decided to go live in a retirement home leaving Gino by himself in his grandparents' empty home.

The sound of the door brings me back to reality as I get up to give the chair to pops. He looks like he hasn't slept in over seventy-two hours straight but I'm glad to see that he listened and took a shower.

"Hey pops… He's stabled." I tell him as I walk out the room without looking back…

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><p><strong>Review and tell me what you guys think and have a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever you guys do. Toodles!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I didn't think I'd have the time to update before Christmas well I did and here it is. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Good Day whatever is your things ;)**

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

Tick tock tick tock that clock is almost hypnotizing as it is annoying and is enough to drive any sane person crazy… I'm bored, I want to wander off but then again I don't want to run into any other drama. I'm tired and yet I'm not, it's hard to explain how I feel at the moment. I've checked a few times if I could feel my pulse but there isn't one, I can't even feel anything when I blow on my hand. It's like I'm a ghost, ironic how the very mention of ghost scared me and now I'm one…

I feel like a total idiot for lying on the floor and the thing is I should be very uncomfortable for being on the cold hard floor like this but instead I'm quite comfortable. It's strange; it feels like I'm lying on a bed instead of a ceramic floor… I wonder what would happen if I stood in front of someone walking, surely they'll walk through me right or would I be repelled from them like when I tried to touch dad's shoulder? Whatever I do in this state I wonder if it will affect my body or that what happened earlier was just a pure coincidence.

What's going on in the operation room I wonder, my body has been gone for a long time now… I wonder how Dime is doing, I left him in his crate when I left for work today he must be going crazy right now. I really hope that someone goes to take care of him, please someone don't forget about him.

I hear doors open in the distance and not long after four nurses guide my bed back to where it was before as one of them carefully places back the tubs in my mouth and nose. This time she also adds oxygen tubes in my nose and it just makes me look even worse than before. My eyes have also been taped, what's the point of that since I'm obviously not conscious.

Once my bed has been locked into place, three of the nurses just leaves the fourth one to adjust the monitors and oxygen level on her own. She rolled her eyes as they left laughing and from what I managed to hear, they were actually making fun others like they are better than everyone else. How pathetic and unprofessional, I feel sorry for the nurse that got left behind to do all the work. She's pretty much the same height as Tsunemori but her frame is much more delicate with blonde hair and pale skin. She looks tired and yet she seems rather contend working here, by the looks of how those other nurses acted earlier I'm going to guess that she does most of the work and I have a hard time imagining her doing all the heavy lifting, she's so small.

"Everything looks fine, you are doing great." She says with a smile as she continues working on the monitors and then inspects the machines to make sure everything is functioning properly.

"My shift is over now. When I come back in tomorrow, I want to see you here okay?" She talks to me as if I'm actually awake, it feels nice, it makes me feel less alone and that I'm still alive.

She closes the lights and gently shuts the door when she leaves and once again I'm alone but now I have my heart beeping to mix in with the clock ticking to keep me busy… Footsteps outside the room catch my attention as the door opens and its Kou, I honestly didn't expect to see him at this hour. He looks terrible and in need to get some major sleep but it's not just that. I watch him close the door and for a few seconds he just stares at my body like I'm some sort of alien before he goes for the chair, bringing it closer to the bed.

He just sits in the chair, doesn't say anything as he's just lost in his thoughts. I know a lot of things are going through his head right now. Kougami has always been hard to understand but after knowing him for so long it just seems to be natural now. A rage is building up inside of him; I can see it in his eyes. I know that he's blaming himself for what happened but the only one at fault for what happened back there is me. It was my decision to turn around and go by myself, now that I've had time to calm down and really think about what my options were was there really no way to go through that debris? Kagari was on the other side he could have helped me to clear the path and I could have managed to fit through maybe. It would have been time consuming but it probably would have been possible, I just wanted to hurry to save that little girl and in the end what good did that do? She died and I ended up causing a lot of problems for my division.

Kougami always had my back ever since we've met back in high school but he also went behind my back and picked fights with those who used to bully me in school. Of course he never told me that part and he probably thinks that I don't know but years of being bullied doesn't just stop like that. It wasn't just a coincidence that it stopped the moment I met him, it stopped because he made it happened. That's just how Kou is, always placed others' wellbeing before himself.

I feel like giving him a smack in the back of the head right now, it would probably snap him back to reality and to the Kou that I know. He looks like a puppy that just got bitten by a larger dog and just doesn't know what to do with himself anymore, he looks defeated. First of all he could use some sleep, I've been telling him constantly that three to four hours of sleep every night just isn't enough for a human body to function properly but he always just shrugs it off like it's nothing but he on the other hand isn't shy to tell me when I overwork myself.

"Gino…" His voice is low and faint but he doesn't say anything else for a few minutes before getting on his feet when the door opens and its dad. He has an exhausted expression on his face and he looks like he aged ten years in a few hours.

"Hey pops… He's stabled." Kougami tells him as he walks away and now it's just me and dad… No just dad and my lifeless body I should say…

He closes the door and makes his way to the chair Kou had been sitting in as he takes a hold of my hand. "Nobuchika… From the moment you opened your eyes I couldn't love you more, you were my whole world and I vowed that I would always protect you until my last breath. I love you so much son, I just hope that you knew that." He tells me as he presses my hand on his lips.

I know that you love me dad, I'd have to be stupid to have missed seeing that. I'm the one who's been a total ass but you never reprimanded me for it and I guess in a way, I kind of hoped that you would say something about it but you never did. You simply took it all like it was nothing, at first I was just letting my anger out unto you and after a while all of that anger went away and I felt better but now I don't know why I even do it, I guess maybe to get a little more of your attention.

"I failed as a father on so many ways. I wasn't there to see you grow; I was the source of all the suffering you had to endure all those years and I wasn't able to shield, protect you like a father should have. When you became an inspector it truly scared me son because I knew what this job involved and I feared for your safety so I decided that I would do anything to protect you as your enforcer but I failed at that also…" He tells me as a tear comes down his cheek, quickly wiping it with his right hand. Dad… What would you do if you knew that it was your face I saw when I was being pierced through? That I believed at that moment that you were trying to kill me but I knew something was wrong, you wouldn't have done something like that and I hope you never have to find out about that either.

"I loved your mother so much; we were inseparable when we were younger. From the moment I saw her there wasn't anyone else that could deviate my attention from her, she was my angel and we married when we finished high school too." Yeah mom told me that and how you two had met for the first time. How she decline to have a relationship with you three times before she said yes just to see how interested you really were in her. It was one of my favourite stories when I was younger, especially after you were taken from us dad. It was one of the rare moments that made her smile.

"When I finished my studies we decided that we wanted to start a family of our own but there were some complications and your mother kept suffering from so many miscarriages, it broke your mother's heart and she blamed herself so much for it… The doctors told us that she'd never be able to carry full-term and the idea of having our own family was something we should forget about." He says. I didn't know that… I remember asking mom why I didn't have any siblings when I was younger and all she told me was that she didn't want another child because I was all she ever wanted, I didn't know she had so many complications.

"Two years later in May we got the news that your mother was pregnant again. Every week that past by our joy grew bigger and bigger but during that pregnancy your mother was so ill, she had to stop working and was constantly bed ridden because of it. I feared that it would have killed her, she was so thin and pale by the time she entered her second trimester but she didn't care, all she cared about was the baby." Dad looks so sad as he spoke, always holding my hand. I really didn't know that mom was so sick, only proves how much she loved me, how much they both did. I wish I could ask dad so many questions right now, to have just a one on one talk with him but I never got the occasion to do so. There's always someone around and I always get interrupted, it's so frustrating…

"Twenty-eight weeks later I got a call late at night on the job that your mother had entered into labor and was currently at the hospital. Your mother had just entered her third trimester but she was still just seven months along in the pregnancy. We wanted a child so badly that the fear of the baby would be still born was all I could think about, how ill she'd been and I wasn't there with her in the delivery room, that made it all the worst." Sounds like I was already a pack of trouble even before I was born as dad continues telling his story. It seems like there was always something; the anxiety that mom would miscarriage at any moment, then dad having to worry for both of us when mom was ill and then she goes into labor too soon. Why didn't mom tell me any of this? Even my grandparents never felt the obligation to share this story with me.

A smile grew on dad's face and somehow all the fatigue just suddenly vanished from his face. "I will always remember that night, we were hit with an unusual snow storm and I had a hard time to get to the hospital because of the terrible road condition but when I arrived, there you were in the ventilator with oxygen tubs in your little nose right next to your mother's bed and she just glowed with joy. We were told that you were going to live and be healthy but that you had to stay in the hospital for a while but that was alright with us…" So I guess it's not the first time I have tubs sticking in me but this isn't the same. Dad knew then that I was going to be okay but no one knows how I'm going to be now. I don't understand anything still as I keep thinking back at what Shion said about that it's up to me to decide like how can I decide? How can I end this?

"I came every day, morning and night to see you and waited a month just to be able to hold you in my arms and I couldn't be prouder. During the time you were in the hospital you opened your eyes for the first time when I held you in my arms." He tells me proudly as he presses his lips against my hand again. "Your mother was never able to become pregnant again but we had the most beautiful child anyone could ever ask for. You were more than enough, you were our miracle… We might have spoiled you a little too much and a lot of times I should have told you no but you were a good kid. You always followed me around the house when I'd come home and I enjoyed every minute of it."

"Nobuchika… You've had a hard life and you've struggled so much. If you wake up you will be in a lot of pain but you will live and you will heal with time but… If you rather go I have no right to stop you. I want you to come back to me, I don't want to have to say goodbye but I can't keep you here out of my own selfishness. What you decide son, I will always love you and I will miss you until the day I die but I won't leave you until this is over, I just want you to be happy. I just want to see you smile again son…" He tells me as he gets up and places his hand on my head as he gently ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead before sitting back in the chair and closes his eyes to sleep. He's really not going to leave me… I don't know what to say just that I'm glad not to be alone as I sit on the ground behind his chair and lay my head against the back of it, holding my knees against my chest with my arms.

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><p><strong>Review and tell me what you guys think. Toodles.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Let me tell you guys how hard it is to write when you have a cold. **

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><p><span><strong>Kougami<strong>

I finalized my report about last night's case and was about to send it to Gino when I remembered that I have to send it to Tsunemori instead… I look around the silent office; Kunizuka is quietly reading her magazine like she always does when she's finished with her work while Kagari finished his report an hour ago and looks like he's sleeping on his desk, his head in his arms so I can't see his face. I'm surprised that he isn't playing his games like he usually does but the peace and quiet is something I don't mind at all this morning though.

Pops still hasn't showed up, normally he's usually the first to come in so I guess he won't be leaving Gino's side, not that it actually surprises me considering how he is. I stare at Gino's empty work space; it feels so strange looking at it. Today was Akane's day off and he was the inspector on duty and because of what happened last night, Akane has to come in to fill in for Gino…

"Good morning!" Akane's voice breaks the silence as she enters the office and goes to her desk. "Where's Mr. Masaoka?" She asks as she puts her jacket away in the corner of her workspace.

"With Gino…" Kagari answers with his head still in his arms. I guess he wasn't sleeping, more like sulking but he caught us by surprise though, I think even Kunizuka believed that he was taking a nap.

"That's where you went this morning? How is he?" Kunizuka asks as she puts her magazine away.

"Stabled but nothing different… Masaoka refuses to leave Gino's side until he wakes up." He replies never bothering to lift his head up.

"It's okay if Mr. Masaoka stays with Mr. Ginoza. Our division is on standby anyway…" Akane states as she sits down and starts her computer.

"Did you get in trouble inspector?" Kunizuka asks and that's something I've been wondering too. Remembering a few years back when I had just transferred to division one. We had a case similar to the one we had last night, the suspect had taken a hostage and we didn't make it in time save her. We had a small mishap, it wasn't anything too major but Gino ended up getting injured. The blame fell on my shoulders even though we had accomplished to take down the suspect it didn't matter because I allowed my partner to get injured, I didn't have his back as they said and considering what happened last night, the scenario was much worst so I'm ready for anything.

Akane rests her elbow on her desk as lays her chin her hand followed by a sigh. "No, but considering what happened and Mr. Ginoza's current condition it was decided that we would be ineffective in the field so we are simply on office duty for the time being."

That's surprising but it figures that's what the top brass would have decided. I'm Just relieved that Akane didn't get in trouble for what happened, she did her job well that's all I can say but still I'm a little surprise that they didn't jump at her throat. Maybe the fact that she's a rookie is what saved her in this case.

"Will Gino get reprimanded for it when he wakes up?" I ask as I turn my computer off. If Akane didn't get into trouble for what happened then does the top brass plan on pinning it all on Gino instead? It wouldn't be the first time they would do something as shrewd or are the enforcers going to get the punishment for bad behavior?

"No… Nobody will be punished for what happened. The chief understood perfectly what happened that caused Mr. Ginoza to get separated from the enforcers which then lead to his unfortunate attack. It just couldn't be helped…" She answers as she starts typing on her keyboard.

That's not necessarily true… Couldn't be helped is far from the truth, the moment Gino called to alert to the current situation it was my job or pops to leave and go look for Gino but we didn't do that. We stayed with Akane because we believed at that time that she needed us the most but we were wrong…

"Good then… If we are on standby there's nothing else for me to do here. Call me if anything comes up…"I tell her as I get up and walk out of the office.

Temporary desk duty more like undisclosed vacation with a pay at the end of the week; as long we don't get a case to investigate we enforcers have absolutely nothing to do. Akane will be the one with the most work, approving our reports about last night's investigation and then she will have to write a major detailed report to send to the chief which would have been something that Gino would have done instead.

The CID floor is quiet, nothing much going on this morning as usual when suddenly the alarm goes off. That sends a bad taste in my mouth; if we hadn't screwed up last night it would be us that would go out to handle the area's stress level not division three…

"Shinya." That familiar voice catches my attention as I turn around.

"Shion…" I reply back. She has a gloomy expression plastered on her face this morning, matching her tone.

"I just got back from visiting Ginoza… He's a real rollercoaster, if there's something you want to tell him I'd suggest that you do it now before you never get a chance to while he's still alive." She tells me… So his health is slowly starting to deteriorate…?

"What does it matter…? It's not like he'll hear what I'm saying anyway…" I blurt out the words quicker than it took to process in my mind. I honestly never believed that he could hear me to begin with, how can he? When you are sleeping you can't hear what others are saying around you so why could you suddenly hear what's happening while in a coma? It just doesn't make any sense nor is it logical what so ever.

"Shinya listen to me, he might not be conscious but I assure you that he hears everything that's going on around him." Her expression became serious as she spoke. Maybe she's right as a part of me wants to believe that but the other part just can't… "Ginoza needs you right now. He needs his father but he also needs his friend by his side, he can't do this on his own. He's struggling and fighting among himself, help him to come back Shinya. Do you want him to even come back?"

That's the last thing I want and the just the thought that she would even suggest it in the first place just makes my anger boil even more but her facial expression still as serious as it was a few minutes ago only helps to calm the anger a bit. It's not every day you see Shion with that expression, usually she's just calm and soft.

"What kind of question is that Shion? Of course I want Gino to come back! I don't want him to die!" The words come out from my mouth, not even giving time to think as I said each words. If Gino dies… I'll never be able to forgive myself.

"Then I'll be direct with you Shinya. He's dying; more like he's allowing himself to die. Ginoza isn't fighting anymore so if you truly care for him then go to him. Give Ginoza a reason to fight before it's too late." Her expression softens as she gently places her hand on my shoulder before walking away.

Kagari said that he went to visit Gino earlier this morning, said that he was stabled and nothing had changed. Now Shion says that Gino is a rollercoaster that just keeps on declining. If it's true that Gino can still hear us, what the hell did pops say to him? He wouldn't tell Gino that he could…? No not in a million years, pops would never even come to that conclusion would he?

Before I even realized where I was going, I found myself going through the medical center's doors and straight to Gino's room and there he was exactly where I last saw him yesterday. Pops sitting in the chair I had sat in yesterday, almost half asleep when he looks at me.

"Pops, I'll keep watch for a while." Pops doesn't say anything only acknowledges with a nod as he gets up. He looks so damn tired and like he aged twenty years in a time span of twenty-four hours.

I watch him walk out of the room and turn my gaze onto Gino once the door closes. All those tubes stinking in him: oxygen, I.V, another tube in his nose that seems to be sucking something out of him which I honestly don't want to know. The beeping of the heart monitor is all that fills the room with the tick tock of the clock. I take a seat as I observe Gino's face, trying to see any hint of possible life left in that lifeless body but I just can't…

How did it come to this? Yesterday was one of the best days; Gino was in very good mood. It had been a while since the last time I saw him that way, he was much more talkative with Kagari and pops. He also seemed more relaxed since Akane started to be more comfortable in her job. Last night it was just to capture a latent criminal that was it… Nothing special, nothing we hadn't dealt with before and yet it all turned sour in a matter of minutes… One moment we are sitting together talking about a real ghost town and the next thing I'm starring at my best friend dying. How did it come to this?

"Gino… I don't know if you can hear me…" My voice blends with the sounds of the monitor and clock. I feel stupid talking knowing that I won't have a response in return as I keep my gaze on his face; his eyes are still taped shut and for some reason it just fucking bothers me.

"I know you've had a hard life and I know that you don't have anyone to go home to but please Gino you can't go, not like this…" I stand up and walk closer to the bed as I place my hand on his; tightening his lifeless fingers into mine as if maybe he will feel it.

Even though the nurses washed him the best they could considering his condition I can still see some traces of dried blood in his hair. "I let you down when I became a latent criminal and in the end I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most and I'm so sorry."

I fight back to keep my emotions in check, my eyes are burning. His hand, it feels so frail under my touch and even though he hasn't been in this state for long I can tell that he lost some weight. He was already thin to begin with; he couldn't afford to lose any… "Gino you have to stay. The only reason why I was able to bare being an enforcer was because I could still be with you; I was still able to watch your back and that was okay with me. You're my best friend, I know you're sick and tired but I need you to stay."

I let his hand go as I rub my face with my hands to try and stop my eyes from burning, taking deep breathes as I pace up and down in the room. Keep it together Kou don't break down now, you can't afford to break. I look back at him and then check the monitors, his heartbeat isn't strong nor is it weak and his blood pressure is lower than what it was yesterday.

What Shion said yesterday, that either he lives or dies that it's all up to Gino to decide. He can't be choosing death, Gino damn it you can't go, not like this. If someone is to die it should be me, I'm nothing more than a latent criminal, a hunting dog who's got nothing left to lose.

"You can't die, if you really can hear me Gino please stay and wake up."

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked this chapter even though I'm sick. Review and tell me what you guys think and toodles.<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Just a little warning. A bit of mention of God but nothing major.**

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

I can't sleep but I'm so tired, I feel heavy and yet light. This state is so hard to explain and even harder to understand myself. The night was long as I watched dad sleep in the chair, getting woken up every few hours by the nurses that came to check up on me and to change the serum pouch. I'm glad that he's here, I don't feel so alone but it also hurts to see him this way… I'm a terrible son in every possible way, I've been so rude and disrespectful towards him but he never distanced himself from me. Everything I threw in his face he took it all without ever raising a voice at me of disapproval…

If I'm really the one who decides if I live or die is it selfish for wanting it to end? I'm so tired of everything, if I wake up everything will go back as it is. I will heal in the hospital ward for a few days, maybe a few weeks and then I will be sent home to recuperate. There won't be anyone there to greet me, no one to come by or call… I'll be completely alone in my empty home.

After studying so hard I finally became an inspector but it didn't change anything, people who knew me back then still only see me as a latent criminal's son. I'm nothing more than trash in this society whose fate to become a dog is only a matter of time. All of that late night studying, all the cases I was given that I solved and the innocent victims that I couldn't save and the ones that I did, all of that all came to nothing to the eyes of society. No matter what I do, I'll never be good enough so what's the point of even trying anymore.

What comes after, it's the unknown that scares me the most. It's the answer to the question that people have asked themselves since the beginning of time but no right answers can ever be given; only theories can be made and the rest you just hope for the best. Some say once you die you go to heaven, others say that only if you are saved by the words of god can you go to heaven. If you chose not to believe and be saved by the words of god then you will go to hell and suffer for all eternity while others say that there is no heaven or hell and that when you die then it is completely over. Others believe that when you die you are reborn as another being and the cycle continues, never remembering who you were in your past life.

I don't know what to believe anymore, I never thought I'd ever find myself in this position, in this state. Mom had her beliefs but I pushed that all aside after dad was taken from us, there's no way that the god mom spoke of would ever destroy our family that way. All the pain we've endured, I just couldn't accept that was god's will but mom never lost faith, even when her health got worse and rapidly declined she stayed firm in her beliefs and then she died. Right then I told myself if there really was a god, I would hate him with all my heart for allowing everything to be taken from me. Is this now a message from it, further punishing me for all the hatred I've given it during the years? If so why doesn't it just kill me already instead of making me suffer, I always have to watch those around me crumble and I can't ever do anything to make it all better. Mom… Grandfather… Now dad… I don't want to watch anyone crumble anymore, I've had my share it should be enough.

God if you're really real then I'm sorry is that what you want from me? I'm sorry! Just stop torturing me and just end it already! I always put everyone's needs before my own, cared for others before caring for myself so why do I have to suffer like this?

The rapid beeping of the monitors catches my attention, taking me out of my thoughts as I watch dad jump to his feet all alarmed and worried. Not long after, maybe a few minutes or less two nurses come in as my heart beat goes flat. The dark haired nurse quickly runs out of the room as the other one starts doing compresses to my chest until the doctor arrives with the dark haired nurse with a defibrillator and waste no time opening my shirt and starts sending waves of electricity through my body.

Dad backed away in the corner of the room to give space so the nurses and doctor so they could work freely without him being in the way but I've never seen him so afraid. In all my years of working as an inspector, I've had some very dangerous cases and some were close calls but he was never afraid or worried even. If he was he never showed it but right now all I can see in his face is fear and that just bothers me, it's not how I knew him. Just seeing another side to dad like that, it's not something he meant for me to see…

"We got a pulse!" The dark haired nurse states accompanied by relief in everyone's face as the doctor puts the defibrillator away in the corner near my bed in case they need it back… Just in case, more like probably.

"You sure are giving us a workout." The doctor tells me before checking the readings on the monitors and then leaves the nurses to continue their work.

"Why did his heart stop?" Dad's voice kills the odd silence in the room. Only the dark haired nursed acknowledged dad's question, the other simply acts as if she didn't hear him.

"It often happens with these types of cases. It's probably just that he wasn't getting enough oxygen so we'll turn it up a bit and see what happens." She answers in a soft tone to help reassure dad that everything was alright. The other nurse just rolled her eyes as she left the room, not even bothering asking her colleague if she needed help with anything. Just terrible and to think that when our enforcers get injured it's nurses like her that takes care of them, clearly she didn't even care to simply answer an enforcer who was worried about someone else. She must be aware about what kind of relationship we have and yet she can't give him any respect… Not that I have any rights to talk about that, I haven't been the nicest person when it comes to our enforcers but I never wished any harm to come to any of them. When we go out on a case I always advise them to use extreme caution, as an inspector I should only worry about my own safety and the safety of my partner. Inspectors are not so easily replaced while enforcers are but I can't do it, even if they are considered society's garbage I don't want to find any of them dead…

"Is there anything I could do for you?" Her question was cheerful but dad answered no and she left the room.

The sounds of the monitors are the only thing that fills the room along with the clock on the wall. I get closer to the monitors to check the readings, seems everything is back to normal… I didn't lack oxygen back there didn't I…? My heart stopped because that's what I wanted, dad said that it was okay if I wanted to go but when my heart stopped I got scared. If I really want to end this, it won't be sudden will it. I will have to see dad watching me die while the nurses and doctor tries to bring me back without success and I'll have to see dad's face full of fear again. I don't want anyone around; I don't want to have to look into their faces when I go.

I don't know what is worst, having dead silence or having to hear constantly the same sound over and over again. Just sitting in the corner of the room starring at the clock, five minutes has past and then fifteen and look at that almost an hour now. For some reason it feels like time is passing by quickly or maybe I'm starting to lose the feel of reality and everything is just spiralling out of control in this state.

This morning there's a lot of vogue coming in and out of the room, it's really annoying. After a while I just decided to ignore them and how surprising that how I'm feeling is being shown on my body. My blood pressure dropped and then went back up to my heart beating faster and then dropping low and back to normal. During that time Kagari stopped by but he didn't stay long and short after Shion came by to see how I was doing, she talked with dad about how I'm not doing too good from what the doctor told dad earlier. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of living in this empty world, I just want to end it and all I want is to be left alone but dad refuses to leave. Shion offered to have coffee with him down at the lobby but he refused, preferring to stay here with me.

After Shion left the room fell quiet again, well the normal quiet that is for this room. Dad looks so tired as he's just sitting in the chair he's been all night. Why does he have to do this to himself, the doctor already said that I wasn't doing well and Shion didn't just offer him to have coffee with her just for the fun of it. With her believing that I can hear what's going on around me, she probably doesn't want me to hear what she has to tell dad… Not that she's wrong, I can hear all and see everything but I wish I didn't see, things would be easier if I didn't have to see everyone…

The sound of the door opening catches my attention as Kougami enters the room, waking up dad from his light sleep. "Pops, I'll keep watch for a while." He tells dad. He doesn't say anything, just nods as he gets up and walks out of the room but I'm still not alone…

Kou turns his attention to me when the door closes and he just stands there staring at me for a few minutes before taking a seat. Just like before he looks at me like I'm some sort of creature lying on the bed and he's afraid that it's going to jump up at any moment. Yeah I get it, it's hard for me to look at myself, I have so many tubes sticking in me that I almost don't even look human.

"Gino… I don't know if you can hear me…" His voice takes me by surprise. I didn't expect him to say anything just like the other time. He looks like a beaten puppy that got abandoned after its owner whipped it. He looks terrible, definitely not the Kougami that I know.

"I know you've had a hard life and I know that you don't have anyone to go home to but please Gino you can't go, not like this…" He stands up as he spoke, coming closer to my body taking my hand in his, tightening his grip.

I don't want to hear it, please don't Kougami. Don't make me feel worse than I already am. Please just let me go, of all people you should understand. I don't have anything left and just like you once said about this society that we live in, there is no freedom. Everything is just shoved down our throats, everything already decided for us so please Kougami just give me the freedom to let me go in peace.

"I let you down when I became a latent criminal and in the end I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most and I'm so sorry." It's the first time I've ever seen Kou like this, actually he looks like he's on the verge of tears. If there's someone to blame for your demotion Kougami, it's me. As your partner I failed to stop you, the Specimen Case took a piece out of all of us… If it would have been dad that had ended up like Sasayama I think I would have down spiraled just like you did… Who knows maybe we both would have ended up in the dog pound together…? The decision I took that caused me to be like this, it was my own doing and not yours Kougami so please stop blaming yourself for my stupid mistakes!

"Gino you have to stay. The only reason why I was able to bare being an enforcer was because I could still be with you; I was still able to watch your back and that was okay with me. You're my best friend, I know you're sick and tired but I need you to stay." His voice is starting to crack by the end as he lets go of my hand and he just paces around the room. He's trying hard not to lose it and it's just not fair, dad said that I don't have to fight anymore but if I go you'll blame yourself for it. Kou why can't you just accept that it's over… Why do I even ask that, why would I even think that you would take my condition and even my death any differently than with Sasayama…?

"You can't die, if you really can hear me Gino please stay and wake up." He adds, coming back next to me taking a hold of my hand again. I'm so tired, I don't want to anymore… I can do it now and it will be all over, it's obvious that I won't ever be left alone so I won't be spared from the looks of anyone's face, not dad's or Kou's… Everything is just so draining as I suddenly feel heavier; my vision is getting blurry and darkening and all I feel is warmth…

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><p><strong>Review, tell me what you guys think and toodles.<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I am just terrible at updating my fics at times it's almost sad actually... :3**

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><p><span><strong>Masaoka<strong>

In this line of work you have to expect to get injured and even killed to fulfil your duty. It doesn't matter if you're an enforcer or an inspector the same fate awaits each of them if you end up on the unfortunate end. We enforcers are the ones who do the most dangerous work, we allow our inspectors to stay back in order for them to remain safe but sometimes no matter how hard we try sometimes we just can't win.

I didn't want Nobuchika to take this path, the same path I took and the very path that got me into the pound. Ten years of service as an inspector and then you get promoted into the Ministry of Welfare and then live in great comfort for the rest of your life. The idea isn't bad and I would understand why those qualified for the job would want to take it but what they don't know is that in all the years I've been on this job I have yet to see a single inspector get promoted. They either get demoted to enforcer or killed on the line of duty before they can accomplish their ten years of service.

Nobuchika has accomplished eight years, only two more to go and I want him to get out of this line of work so badly but deep down I've always known that it was only a matter of time before he'd become an enforcer or worst dead. Kougami has already fallen after only six years of service but with Kougami now an enforcer, Nobuchika had a great amount of stress for the last two years being the only inspector for the division and now we have the little missy to help take on the share of the load but she's still young and learning leaving Nobuchika with not much of a break yet…

When I was still in division three and news of three young inspectors had join the CID it did quite the stir, it was rare just to get one inspector but three in a single go was something else all entirely. Risa Aoyanagi was placed in division two and division three, we were given Kougami to fill in the empty seat of the former inspector that had died on duty a few months earlier leaving my son to be placed into division one much to my dismay. I tried on numerous occasions to be transferred, I wanted to be able to watch his back myself but every time I send in a request it was denied and it was only after Kougami got transferred that I was able to follow.

Division one is without a doubt the most demanding division in the CID. We are always the first team on call and that means we are always the ones to get the most dangerous cases. Knowing that Nobuchika was young and unexperienced in a division filled with unpredictable enforcers that had a bad reputation for being difficult to handle didn't help to make me relax either knowing the fact that my boy would always be on the front line. The fear in the back of my mind when the alarm went off and division one headed out, the fear that something would go wrong on the job and my boy would end up dead.

A day after Nobuchika became an inspector, I will never forget that night even if I tried to. Division one headed out to handle a stress level that rose in the Tokyo district after the target murdered a man causing the stress level in the area to rise. It was actually Nobuchika's first case. A simple stress level that shouldn't have been much of a problem quickly turned into a full scale disaster and before anyone even noticed what the situation really was it was already too late.

When a criminal flees they always tend to grab a hostage and then they barricade themselves inside an abandoned building that makes sending in drones impossible. The normal protocol in this case is to proceed with caution and to split up with the idea to corner the target. However that night the senior inspector of division one back then made a careless mistake which ran a red flag to our senior when we were being sent in to assist. With all the possible buildings the criminal could have taken he chose the furthest, for a senior inspector he should have seen this as odd or he simply ignored it either way that's an answer we'll never know. It turned out that the mad man had rigged the building with explosives, needless to say division one was almost completely wiped out that night.

The last transmission that the senior inspector of division one did was to give his location to our team and that Nobuchika had been forced to give chase after one of his enforcers who refused to retreat and assess the situation and regroup. If we had never gotten that transmission, division one would have been completely wiped out by that mad man. If I had arrived only a few seconds later my boy would have been dead that's without a doubt.

He received a dislocated shoulder and a broken knee that resulted in a leave of work for several months but at least he survived and his psycho-pass had recovered nicely. I was able to coax Kou to go and fill in the empty seat in division one once Nobuchika had been cleared to return to work and the rest is like we say it's history and here we are picking up the broken pieces.

I promised myself that I would never allow my son to get hurt on the line of duty again and since being in division one I had been successful until last night. Nobuchika is smart and he has learned to be very cautious when investigating a case so what happened son? You're not the type to lower your guard even if you had found a dead body of an unknown child instead you would have been even more cautious and you would have been ready to fire your dominator and yet you didn't. You were given a reason to drop your guard and the only explanation for it was that somehow you felt a sense of safety as if you didn't recognize the target in front of you…

I drag my feet back towards the infirmary after I take out a can of tea out of the vending machine. The infirmary has begun to quiet down as the nurses go back to their normal routine, only a few hours ago they would constantly go in and out of Nobuchika's room but as the hours progress and signs of his eminent death draws closer the nurses are losing interest. It is rather insulting, alive is alive and dead is dead and as long one is alive they should be treated as such.

I open the door, Kou is holding my son's almost lifeless hand in his. He looks up as I close the door and then return his gaze to Nobuchika. I wished when I left earlier that in some chance of a miracle when I'd come back that his usual color would have returned to his face and something more would have happened but nothing has changed. No news is good news as they say but this is a never ending tension, I just pray that he's not suffering in this state.

"He lost some weight…" He tells me. I haven't been gone for very long and I can see that Nobuchika has lost some weight in that short period of time. Serum is only good to keep you alive by giving the body a strict minimum of nutrients but if he keeps losing so much weight he'll be rather frightening.

"I know… He's melting away…" I answer as I walk up to Nobuchika to rest my hands on the top of his head, brushing my fingers throws the loose hair that isn't trapped under the bandages.

"Gino always had a hard time to pack on the weight, even before this happened he wasn't underweight but he wasn't far from it either." Yes I'm aware, my boy inherited that from his mother than me I'm afraid. He has a fast metabolism that makes gaining weight rather challenging for him but on the positive side he doesn't have to watch himself in fear of becoming obese like most people but when you become ill and you have a fast metabolism it can be very problematic. When he was younger he'd often get dehydrated and we'd have to rush him to the emergency when he'd get sick, strangely enough I'd give anything to have those times back.

"It can't be helped Kou…" I answer back as I observe all those tubes sticking in his mouth and nose and that tape on his eyes…

"Tell me pops… Gino's dying isn't he?" The question catches me by surprise as I look at Kou. He looks defeated as he keeps holding on to Nobuchika's frail hand as if he's afraid if he lets go Nobuchika will slip away.

"I want to say that he isn't, that he's doing fine but another part doesn't agree because of how I see the state my boy is in. I don't know Kou. I want my son to stay but in the same time I don't want to see him suffer either. All we can do is wait. Wait, hope and pray for the best, that's all we can do now." I tell him.

Pray and hope for the best… I return my attention to my son's eyes, I know for a fact that those tapes can be rather irritating on the skin of the arm so I can just imagine how it must feel on the eyes… The skin around the tape is a little reddish; I have to fight the urge not to remove them. I honestly don't see the point of taping someone's eyes when they are in a coma, I understand that taping of the eyes is necessary during an operation but I never heard anything about a coma unless the nurses are just too lazy to re-tape his eyes in case Nobuchika needs another surgery.

"Gino?"

I look at Kou as he lifts his hands holding Nobuchika's hand as his fingers slowly tighten a little to Kou's fingers. I thought that I had imagined a little movement to his eyes earlier but now that he moved his fingers I probably did see his eyes move after all. Kou lets go of Nobuchika's hand and quickly leaves the room to go alert the nurses about the changes. After many hours of tension and balancing between life and death, in the end you chose to stay…

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><p><strong>And you all thought that Gino was dying in the last chapter lol.<strong>

**Short chapter sorry about that ;p**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the wait Doc Manager was being a bitch and didn't want to take my chapter that fucktard. **

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><p><span><strong>Ginoza<strong>

How long has it been, how long since I could no longer see or was everything just a dream from the start…? It felt real but what is reality? I feel like I've lost complete track of it a long time ago… How long have I been floating in this darkness now? It feels like I've been trapped in this state for ages, maybe centuries even. It's like everything has suddenly stopped around me and I'm simply drifting away into nothingness. Am I dead? Is this how death feels like? Maybe my body finally gave in and my brain is still trying to hang on somehow but without a body maybe this is all my brain can do at this point before it all ends…

A wave of pain suddenly surges through me, it was faint but I definitely felt light discomfort in my being. It feels like forever since I felt anything at all. The pain was more of a light jolt, it wasn't excruciating more like a shock you get when you've had too much contact with static and you touch something that's made out of metal. It took me more by surprise than anything else, strangely enough it felt nice… How crazy to think something like that could feel good… Pain is pain and it shouldn't be something you'd enjoy but I've felt nothing for so long that just being able to feel anything at all is almost like a blessing.

The same empty feeling consumes me again in this endless darkness for what seems like forever when another jolt of pain rushes through me as a small flash of light tries to invade this endless black but just as it came it was gone and all was like before. Time feels like it's frozen and I can't tell how long it's been since the last wave of pain hit me until another one rushes through my core followed by that same light. This time the pain was a little stronger and the light a little brighter as I hear a distant echo as all returns back to black around me.

The echo eventually gets closer progressively; I recognize that its voices but I can't understand what they are saying or even to whom the voices belong to. It sounds like the echo has gone into fast forward or maybe I'm the one who can't keep up, that I'm the one who is completely still almost frozen in time. It feels like hours or maybe days since I felt that last surge of pain or maybe I'm finally going crazy and none of this is actually real…

Another flash of pain followed by a stronger flash of bright light, this time the pain is stronger and lasted longer bringing the echo closer but I still can't understand what is being said. I start hearing other noises mixed in with the voices, what is it? I know that sound… I think I know that sound… Sounds like the beeping of the monitors but if I'm dead that can't be it or is death just only the start of another life in another world? No… That just sounds completely stupid and crazy…

Did I return to my body and that's why all I see is this darkness now? My mind is awake but my body doesn't want to cooperate, it's as if my body is keeping my mind prisoner and this sudden pain I've started to feel. Is it from the injuries I've gotten…?

Another jolt of pain suddenly strikes me again, stronger than before. This pain as time goes by as the waves of pain comes back each time, it comes stronger and it lasts longer and longer. It felt like ages before I felt one when they had first began, now it feels like they are coming every few hours or maybe later or sooner I just can't tell the time anymore but the pain is becoming almost unbearable. As the pain keeps intensifying, the darkness is slowly disappearing being overtaken by the bright light and the echoes changing to actual words that I can actually start to understand. The voices of women talking, at first it was hard to make out what they were saying, it was as if they were speaking really fast but the speed of their dialogues soon slowed down and I could finally make out the words but I don't know any of the voices… I don't think I ever heard them before but I could be wrong, maybe…

Occasional waves of pain mix in with the voices and the darkness that is being overtaken by the light. The pain is getting worst as time goes by. Exactly how long has it been now? I've lost track of the time since I started getting these waves of pain but what I do know is that the longer I've been this way the waves of pain are now coming more frequently and last much longer. With each wave a dim light fuses with the darkness and the stronger the pain the brighter the light and the voices seem to be starting to slow down a bit into something more understandable when I finally recognize one of the voices. One of the voices belongs to that blonde haired nurse from before, the one that seemed so small and tired and yet content, the only nurse that spoke to me as if I was awake and the other definitely belongs to the nurse that offered dad some comfort back when my heart had stopped the last time.

The voices of the nurses are kind of comforting but that's not the voice I'm searching for. I don't know why I want to hear his voice so badly but I need it more than anything else. I need to hear his voice, somehow it will help to confirm that I still haven't lost my mind and that everything is alright, that all of this is actually normal somehow.

Damn it, this pain is getting worst by each passing second, I know I said that feeling pain felt relieving after not being able to feel anything at all for so long but the pain is becoming more than unbearable. I take it back, I wish I didn't feel anything at all but I don't think I'll be able to make it disappear no matter how hard I try.

Where are you, just say something, anything it doesn't matter what it is just say something! Please anything! I don't care about the endless beeping of the monitors or that clock ticking in the distance or the friendly chatter of the nurses I just want to hear your voice but I can't hear it, it's not there nor can I tell if you're even near me… You promised. You promised that you wouldn't leave me until it was all over but you left anyway…

"We are off to our lunch break. We'll be back in an hour okay." The blonde haired nurse says followed by leaving footsteps. I don't even know to who she was talking to. Is someone else in the room with me or was she talking to me like she did before? I can't tell but now all I hear is the beeping of the monitors and that clock ticking, it's driving me nuts and this pain isn't helping. I'm no longer feeling waves of pain, the pain is constant, and it's not leaving anymore.

"How is he?" That voice, its Kougami… So there is someone else in the room with me, dad?

"The nurses took Mr. Ginoza off the oxygen this morning but no changes…" Tsunemori… I hadn't seen her since I first arrived here. She sounds tired; I guess I'm partly responsible for that.

I hear Kou's footsteps getting closer followed by the sound of a chair sliding on the floor. "Gino will pull through; he always does in the end."

"You know him more than I do Mr. Kougami…" I could say the same thing, Kou knows Tsunemori more than I do because I never tried to get to know her. Why I didn't try to get to know her better I don't know but she never tried either and I didn't mind…

"It's a given inspector; I've known Gino longer on both professional and personal level. You can say he's like the brother I never had in a sense but Akane, Gino will be alright." Like the brother he never had… That's not something he's ever said before, it's embarrassing and his tone I can tell that he isn't himself but he's not like that defeated guy I saw sitting next to my bed before.

"I know that but coming out of a coma, it sounds so easy for us. Like all he has to do is to open his eyes and that's all there is to it but for Mr. Ginoza it must be really hard and what's worse is that there's nothing we can do to help him and I feel like he's trapped between the subconscious and unconscious level." Coma… Is that what it is? I'm in a coma… Was being outside of my body also part of being in a coma. The whole experience wouldn't be that bad if I didn't have to feel this pain. Its intensity has increase again, how I am still sane is a bloody miracle.

"Yeah he's a fighter, always has been." Kou responds, his tone never changing. I'm not sure if I can actually be called a fighter because I'm not sure what I'm even doing. How I entered my body again I don't even know and what am I even doing right now? What am I even supposed to do, am I sleeping? Is that what a coma is or is it more complex than that?

"Mr. Kougami was there something I could have done in that investigation? Something different to prevent all of this from happening?" Huh? There wasn't anything Tsunemori could have done; there isn't anything I could say that she did wrong. Okay I was almost freaking out seeing my body on the ground all covered in blood but Tsunemori did her job well, I can't complain.

"As hard it is to accept no there wasn't anything else anyone could have done." Well answered Kou but it's not exactly the whole truth.

"I still feel like it's my fault…" Her voice was low but I could tell she felt terrible but in all honesty what happened to me was my fault. I let my guard down, I allowed the criminal to fool me under a hollow costume of my dad. I should have known better and I completely dropped my guard when I found that dead little girl. I brought this upon myself.

"Akane did I ever tell you about my first case when I was an inspector?" Kou don't tell her that, please don't she doesn't have to hear that disaster. Can't you tell she's already upset as it is, it will only cloud her hue.

"No you haven't."

"It was a lot similar to the one we just had. A mad man took off with a hostage after having killed a man and hides himself into an abandoned building without any relay device so we couldn't send in any drones. Division one were the first on the scene but it didn't take long before division three, my old division got a call from division one's senior inspector for aid and as we received the call it was interrupted by an explosion." Kou's voice was low as he spoke and the images of that night come back to me as if it had happened just yesterday. I remember the violent shaking of the building as the explosives had exploded, I don't think I'll ever be ever able to forget it even if I tried…

"I was a rookie and all I could think was that my best friend was just like me a rookie in division one. Gino had been nervous about having his first case and all I could imagine was finding his body in the rubble. A few long minutes after we got a call again from the senior inspector of division one, he was badly injured and couldn't move and both his enforcers were dead due to the explosion but Gino had been forced to chase after one of his enforcers who had gone looking for the mad man instead of retreating like ordered to. In the end that enforcer got himself killed and Gino's second enforcer was also killed after he took a hit that had been meant for kill Gino. If pops hadn't arrived when he did, Gino would have been killed that night but he was out for several months after that incident. Gino had received a dislocated shoulder and a broken knee." … My first day on the job and I was already on the injury leave list, how pathetic that had been. My whole division had been annihilated in a matter of seconds… I had messed up…

"There wasn't anything he could have done; he just couldn't leave an enforcer behind." Not exactly there were some other options before all of that had happened… My incompetence back then was the cause for my division's demise.

"True but it didn't stop Gino from blaming himself for what had happened afterwards." Because it was my fault, I won't deny it and yet no one felt the need to say it to my face…

"But it wasn't his fault!"

"His team had found booby traps, the same that his partner tripped. Gino never reported it on his end and he blamed himself for that. Even to this day Gino still holds responsibility for the deaths of the division but the thing is that he was a rookie; his partner was a nine year old veteran. He knew better and ignored my partner's warning and it caused him his death." You're wrong Kou it was my fault. It didn't matter if I was a rookie or not, it should have been common logic to alert my partner of my findings and I didn't. If I had called him then he would have been alert to the traps, he wouldn't have died, none of them would have died.

"… I didn't know that…"

"Everyone on this job has had rough cases. It's not worth it to stick on the bad ones, instead focus on the good ones and that's how you can continue doing this job. I can't deny this line of work is dangerous but someone has to do it."

The pain seems to have stabilized somehow it's really weird, strange… Everything is just so bright it's painful as if I didn't feel enough pain as it is. The brightness is starting to fade and I can finally start to see clearly… White ceiling, white walls, that clock ticking over the door frame and stood under it was the one I wanted to hear so badly.

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><p><strong>I was debating if I should end this fic with this chapter or the next so I have come to a decision and chapter 10 will be the chapter finale for If I Stay.<strong>

**Review and tell me what you guys think. Toodles ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**The last chapter for If I Stay.**

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><p><span><strong>Kougami<strong>

A week had passed since Gino had first shown signs of regaining consciousness, his fingers and eyes moving only slightly. After that it felt like all the progress had come to a sudden halt, Gino wasn't improving or worsening but the wait was almost killing me. We all knew at that point that Gino was going to pull through after that but we just didn't know when and that was the worst, waiting. The doctor had told us that it could take a few days, weeks or months for him to regain complete conscious depending on the damage to his brain were.

Pops was the one who pointed out that Gino was awake when he entered the room that morning. Akane and I were talking and hadn't even noticed when Gino had opened his eyes; he didn't say anything either so I felt rather stupid for having missed that but what mattered was that Gino was finally awake.

At first it looked like he was completely disoriented, as if he didn't even know where he was before going back to sleep. This happened a few times for the next couple of days. At first the most Gino could manage to stay awake was a few minutes and then it slowly prolong to ten minutes and after five days Gino can now stay awake up to an hour before becoming too tired. The doctor confirmed that it was completely normal for someone coming out of a coma and Shion further reassured us that for someone who came out of a coma is very exhausting for them. Just being able to open their eyes required a great amount of effort and apparently when someone goes into a coma their brain doesn't rest and that is the main reason for why they are completely burned out after waking up.

Today counts eight days after Gino finally woke up from his coma… Seventeen days since the incident, finally I can breathe again but Gino still has a long road ahead of him. His muscles have gotten lazy after having been in the same position for so long. His legs are too weak and due to his injuries in his stomach the nurses won't allow him to walk in fear for them to open up. The first few days pops would help Gino to bend his arms while he was sleeping, that helped to get them moving again. He also helped Gino to exercise his legs too, something we've kept secret from the nurses and thanks to that Gino can move them a little bit but I wouldn't encourage him to go walking any time soon though.

Since he woke up even now he's not very talkative. He often fixates at the ceiling like he's lost in deep thoughts, I wonder if Gino will ever be the same again. "They say you'll be able to start walking after the stitches are removed." I say breaking the long silence.

"I'm aware…" Was his answer, never looking away from the ceiling; his hands on his stomach.

He was in a lot of pain when he first woke up, maybe that's the problem and like always he doesn't say anything. "Are you in pain? I can go get the nurse." I ask.

"I was already given something for the pain but it's still there a little…" This time he looked at me when he spoke, never removing his hands on his stomach. His head is healing nicely, it hasn't caused Gino much discomfort but it's the stab wounds that have been most problematic.

"You sound better than the first few days after you woke up. I feared you had brain damage, you didn't make much sense." I blurt out giving him a smile.

The first few days Gino had a hard time pronouncing certain words and I feared for the worst but the doctor told us that it was normal and it got hilarious at a point. The second day when he woke up, the inspectors of division three came to visit but it was more like snooping around than actually coming to see how Gino was doing. Anyway when Gino woke up, just out of the blues he just tells them that he hates their guts and that they should stick their heads back into their asses and fell back to sleep. These sudden outbursts happened pretty often the first few days. We all know now thanks to those outbursts that pops is a great man and that he loves him. Shion blamed the meds that helped ease his pain as the cause of those outbursts, saying that it was the drugs talking and not to take anything he says seriously but none the less they were hilarious.

"I don't remember…" Somehow it doesn't surprise me. The first few days the nurses kept him so heavily drugged to ease him from the pain that I wondered if he was going to be okay. I think for his own good, it's a good thing he doesn't remember because knowing Gino, he'd probably die from embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just relieved that you're alright. None of the damage will be permanent so you'll be back to your old self soon." I tell him. Yeah soon he won't be in any pain, his wounds will have healed and he'll be able to continue his life like nothing had even happened. Division one will be back on duty again and we'll move on.

"I heard from Kagari that Tsunemori had trouble with Dime…" Oh yeah that… Kunizuka or Kagari must have told him about that incident. The next day after Gino was in the intensive care Akane took Kagari with her to Gino's place to care for Dime. Dime not familiar with her bites her arm but luckily Kagari was there to calm the dog down.

"Yeah but that was my fault I should have gone with her instead of Kagari. He was just protecting his territory after all." I add. I should have seen that incident happen but I got careless. I was so worried about Gino that I failed to think how Dime would react. After it happened I went with Akane to make sure it never happened again but the injury had already been done.

"It's the first time Dime ever bite anyone. I'll have to apologize to Tsunemori for that." Gino says as he returns his gaze to the ceiling.

"Dime mostly got her jacket or should I say that the jacket got most of the damage so the injury to Akane's arm is a minimum." I tell him. Good thing Akane was wearing her winter jacket otherwise Dime's powerful jaws would have done some serious injuries to Akane.

The awkward silence fills the room again, just like all the other days that have passed since Gino woke up from his coma. I can't think of anything to say, there are so many questions that I'd like to ask him but I don't want to trigger any hurtful memories from that night. Gino is awake finally but we've been warned over and over again that his mind is still frail and it wouldn't take much to give him an episode but avoiding something that is bound to resurface again eventually is it really a good idea?

Not speaking about what happened in that incident, I honestly don't think it's a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that's what Gino keeps thinking about, all the memories and the pain he just keeps it all to himself. He's trying to come up to term with what happened on his own, he doesn't want anyone to worry about him but he's a fool. He never gets it. By not talking to us about his problems, about things that bothers him only makes us worry about him even more.

The day he woke up, he was fixated onto pops like there was nothing else around him, like all that mattered to Gino was pops at that moment but after a few days that has past just by looking into his eyes I know there's something that's been eating him. That look in his eyes, I've never seen it before and it's hard to explain even.

"Gino… What happened that night?" I ask breaking the silence again. I can't just ignore what I want to know or can I bring myself to respect the warning that the doctor gave us, I just have to know.

"I got stabbed and my head bashed." Was his answer in a boorish tone. Like it's his way of letting me know that the subject bore, no didn't interest him what so ever.

"Don't be a smart ass, I already know that and you know that's not what I meant." I shoot back at him. If there's one thing that pisses me off about Gino is how he always tells you the obvious and avoids the real subject when it comes to personal things in hopes you will drop the subject altogether but he should know me better than that. He should know that I wouldn't just drop something that I want to know. We've known each other for so long and we used to be able to tell each other anything and everything but ever since I became an enforcer, Gino has pushed me away and yeah I have a problem with that.

He lets out a sight before looking in my direction with his green eyes of his. "Isn't it obvious Kougami, I made a mistake and let my guard down. What's more to tell?"

Again another answer that just circles around the subject, he avoids it like the fucking plague. "Gino you know that I know you almost too well so why do you feel the need to give me a bullshit answer like that?" His expression doesn't change as I spoke; he still seems as uninterested as before.

"Has it maybe not occurred to you that I might just not want to talk about it?" Yeah very convenient Gino but you know that won't do for me.

"Gino-"

"If you're worried for my wellbeing Kougami it's no big deal but pressuring me to tell you about what happened that night won't make me say it anyway. I'll say it just once Kougami, that's something I'll be taking to the grave with me." His tone suddenly changed to what I remembered, severe and serious. It's without a doubt that it's a touchy subject but so far as I quickly glance at the monitors his readings hasn't change so I'll take it as a good sign and keep on pushing and pressing my luck.

"That's the thing Gino that I just don't get. Why? Do you think that I or the team will think less of you or something?"

He lets out another sigh, this time I can sense a bit of frustration and annoyance in it but his facial expression is calm but I can see that he's trying to stay in composure. "That's not it. I dropped my guard when I shouldn't, I was the one who messed up and I paid the price for it. That's all there is to it, how it happened isn't in any way relevant or important. Shibada is dead and so is the hostage so what does it even matter how he attacked me, it won't make any difference."

"You just seem to drift off into your own thoughts a lot Gino… Wait a minute how do you know that Shibada and the hostage are dead? Did Kagari tell you?" I ask cutting what I was trying to say short when I processed what he had just said. How on earth does he even know that? Did Akane tell him? No we all talked about that and we all agreed that it be best not to mention anything from that night so did Risa come by and told him what happened?

"No, no one told me. I just know that's all." He casually answers as if it was nothing and I'm sitting here confused and he's not even noticing or simply doesn't care.

"You were aware of everything that was happening around you huh… So Shion was right but we never spoke about the hostage's status around you so how would you know that?" I ask. The things that Shion had said about Gino being able to hear us is pretty much confirmed and that was mainly the reason why we decided not to talk about any cases around him at all. Akane feared that talking about cases could give Gino anxiety and make his condition worst. Good thing we did that.

"I was aware of everything in ways you wouldn't even believe me if I told you and it's hard to explain and yet alone to understand myself. You say that I drift into my thoughts too often, I'm just trying to remember all that's happened those days but a lot of my memories are becoming fuzzy." Clearly he thinks too lowly of me. Won't believe him? Like seriously Gino? If you want to offend me continue you are succeeding. Like all those years of friendship just doesn't mean anything to you anymore.

"Then you heard how pathetic I sounded back then huh?" I blurt out, the only thing that I could think of that didn't involve starting a fight.

Gino sits himself up straight with some difficulties and before I even realized it I had jumped to my feet to help him but he brushes my offer off.

"I was ready to die, I didn't want to fight anymore but I didn't know how to end it all but you pulled me back. You made me stay. You can call it pathetic if you want but it's what brought me back." After a few minutes of silence he breaks it and it wasn't what I was expecting. He didn't look at me as he spoke, simply starred at his hands. "You think that you had it bad but no one can even imagine for a second how I felt. I wasn't able to just hear but I saw everything."

"Gin-"

"Having to look at my mangled body, seeing everyone's reaction and no matter how loud I yell no one could hear me. I've seen sides of everyone that I didn't even think they had and the worst part was that none of it made any sense. I couldn't feel anything or could I seek comfort from anyone, all I could do was watch as everyone else suffered and broke apart." When he started talking he was calm but the more he spoke, the calmness was gone and was instead replaced by all the emotions he had been bottling up inside. Strangely enough I'm satisfied with myself that the bottle finally opened; it's what he needs the most right now.

"Gin-"

"When I had made up my mind, tired of fighting, tired of it all you came and forced me to stay and then I was trapped in an endless loop and the next thing I know is this intense pain that just didn't go away and then I heard dad's voice and I woke up…" Tears finally found their escape as they run down his cheeks. I don't know a single thing about comas nor did I know how Gino felt but I had to get him to say it and I know it now.

I wrap my arms around him bringing his face to my chest, careful not to apply any forms of pressure to his stomach. He took his composure fast enough but at least he got that off his chest… So Gino when Shion told me that morning that you were not doing well, you had decided to allow yourself to die. That's what you wanted but you stayed for me and I'm more than thankful that you didn't go.

"Don't ask me about what happened again… Certain things are just not worth saying or reliving." He says. His voice low that I almost didn't hear him.

If Gino really did see everything, I think I may have an idea what exactly happened that night. We live in an age that with the right technology you can do almost anything and just thinking about how Shibada could have gotten Gino to drop his guard; Gino is probably right… Seeing how we reacted, hearing the truth could be just as bad.

"Call me selfish but I'm glad you stayed. Gino don't go where I can't follow." I tell him and I hear him respond a low yeah and I can tell that he's getting tired. I got him pretty worked up, best to let him rest now. What matters now is that he's finally awake.

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><p><strong>Thank you for the sticking around for all 10 chapters my lovelies.<strong>

**Like always review and tell me what you think.**

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**Now off to my next work whatever it may be.**


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